What Comes Next? You’ve Been Freed.
As I watched the ball drop (on a 30 second delay because who even has cable anymore?) after the Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper variety show on CNN, I took a deep breath and exhaled for as long as my asthmatic lungs would allow. We made it, right? 2020 is now part of the past. Let’s get back to our lives!
I’m honestly amused by the people who really do think that a new year brings new…well…anything. Sure, the 0 has flipped to a 1, but what does that really mean? It’s just another day.
What I hope that actually means is a shift in mindset. The book has closed on a year during which my dreams were dashed, I lost my job, didn’t leave my apartment for months, was forced out of said apartment, and had to find a way to start anew while job hunting became (and still is) my full time job. So, realistically, it’s time to drive forward.
If “new year, new me” is a mantra that helps you, power to ya. But, for me, that’s nothing but a way of saying “maybe I’ll finally do the things I want or need to do for myself”. And now I find myself in a battle between my left and right brain.
On the one hand, I want nothing more than to create. To be artistic. And to share that art with others. I left my job of 10 years in 2019 to act and write full-time. But then <gestures wildly at everything>.
On the other side, my pragmatism is pushing me back to a career that will allow me to problem solve. To help refine my business acumen as I try to grow The Turf into more than a volunteer-based sports-adjacent blog.
However this isn’t a new thing. In fact, it’s a continuation of what I’ve been working on as I battle my anxieties, health concerns, and quest for a legitimate paycheck. 2020 was a dumpster fire. Sure. We all can agree on that. But there’s something that came out of it that was completely unexpected for me.
I have learned so much about myself. How to be present for me. How to separate my thoughts and goals and try to tackle one thing at a time. How to be there for others even though I can’t physically be there. In a year during which we faced the abject horror of a global pandemic, experienced the loss of loved ones, and watched as social justice came to the forefront of people’s minds, I have found and held on to each sliver of positivity that I can.
It’s not about coming up with some new, lofty goals that that will ultimately get swept under the rug as quickly as a gym membership. No. It’s about reshuffling priorities to focus on what’s truly important to you.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m shifting focus to ensure I’m being the best human I can be for myself and others. Putting empathy over apathy. Supporting people and causes who deserve to be elevated, not hidden or forgotten. Finding new and exciting ways to create while also stimulating the mathematical side of my brain.
It won’t always be sunshine and roses. You have to fail. Fail again. Fail some more. Some of the best successes are born from those failures. That means we’re trying. Give it your best. And when it doesn’t turn out the way you want? Have another cup of coffee or tea. Take a deep breath in. Exhale slowly.
Then try again.
